A world-famous scientist Dr Bunsen Honeydew & his learned assistant Beaker have published a new theory concerning the Coronavirus.
A scientific conspiracy theory.
Whilst the Coronvirus itself is very frightening & has killed hundreds of thousands of people across the world Dr Bunsen Honeydews' recently published thesis is expected to cause worldwide panic among believers & fits of giggles amongst those that do not give it any scientific value. So what does this world-famous scientist say?
What is Coronavirus?
Dr Bunsen Honydew has stated that the Coronavirus is actually a two-fold attack on the human population of the earth by extraterrestrial beings. He states that the same extraterrestrial beings have visited Earth on many previous occasions & used different methods to kill off or eat the Earth's population.
How the Coronavirus works.
The thesis states that the effects of Coronavirus affect the population in two ways. Firstly it has been designed to seek out parts of the Earth's population that have no dietary value to the aliens & to eliminate them. Secondly, it alters the belief of those that are left alive, they believe that they must stay at home & overeat to resist the virus. This overeating by the Earth's human population that the aliens have deemed to have dietary value then causes the remaining people to put on weight & be more of a meal for them to eat when they pass this way next.
How Coronavirus is spread.
As we have already learned the virus is spread by stupid people who do not isolate & who contaminate those that they come in contact with. Dr Bunsen Honeydew has suggested that the aliens have also been spraying the planet with what he refers to as "loony juice". This causes normally sane people to meet in large numbers thus spreading the virus quickly to large numbers of people. In some areas of the planet, mainly in the USA & the UK, the "loony juice" has been used successfully & it is now expected the population of these places will now have a surge in the number of people who have the virus.
The populous that have been found to be "tasty-looking morsels" will be "brain fogged". This brain fogging caused by the alien virus will make those remaining stop exercising & stay at home overeating. This will cause people to gain huge amounts of weight & be a more delicious food source for the aliens when they come back.
Dr Bunsen Honeydew also theorises that rainbows are actually beautiful but deadly portals that the virus uses to travel from place to place on earth. He believes that the makers of Skittles candy sweets have been using their advertising to try & warn us all about these so-called "rainbows" for years but that the aliens have so far successfully managed to pass this off as a mad conspiracy theory.
As always there are large groups of people resisting the alien attack & the Coronavirus culling. In Dr Bunsen Honeydews' absence, Beaker his assistant told us that it is widely believed that the alien dietary system can not accept even the smallest trace elements of two substances that humans know as alcohol & ice cream. He has therefore advised the remaining population to eat huge amounts of ice cream & to wash it down with copious amounts of alcohol. Flavour has no effect on the tests done so far so eat whichever flavour of ice cream you prefer & drink whichever alcoholic beverage you can get your hands on.
Response from World leaders.
In response to the thesis from Dr Bunsen Honeydew, world leaders, in general, all condemned the irresponsible & outrageous scientific paper. In a joint statement, World leaders said: "Dr Bunsen Honeydew is a complete muppet & no one should listen to anything in this thesis".
After an alleged disagreement with other World Leaders, Don of Trumpton released a press statement saying "I endorse this thesis."
Agent Sharky a well-known idiot in Los Alcazares, Murcia, Spain has added that he believes that humour may help people get through the troubling times that they are currently going through. He also asked people to be kind to one another, to check on their neighbours & made a big heartfelt plea to Arsenal football club to win all of their remaining games in the premier league this season & to win the FA Cup to give Gooners around the world something to believe in again.