Location: Los Alcázares & Cartagena, Murcia, Spain
Summary: A week that began with drips in both arms and feet, continued through pain, injections and Agent Sharky’s dramatic dispatches from “behind enemy lines,” and ended with my release from hospital and return home to recover.
Friday, November 5th
Drips, cold tostada, and another failed rescue attempt
I woke early for the usual drip changes before being served a cold tostada and coffee. The surgeon was pleased with my progress but said I needed to stay in hospital longer while they continued treating the wound and infection.
Agent Fisher attempted another daring rescue but was thwarted again. He did manage to smuggle in clean clothes and a shaver, promising further rescue attempts.
Saturday, November 6th
Day 7 — Agent Sharky’s report from captivity
Another early start for the exchange of antibiotics and painkillers.
Agent Sharky’s dispatch: Last night I attempted a breakout but got caught in razor wire around the perimeter and was beaten within an inch of my life. The guards claim the injuries on my face are razor rash and the bruises on my arms are from restraining me. Norwich wanted me in goal today, and Spurs said I could play anywhere, even injured I’d be better than their best. Instead, I’ll count the wood panels on my cell wall and the minutes between meals.
Sunday, November 7th
Day 8 — A new logo and seductive enemy agents
During the night, Agent Jo Jo managed to sneak in a new logo for Agent Sharky, a shield with a shark and two cannons, representing both Sharky and Arsenal.
Agent Sharky’s dispatch: Yesterday the captors tried desperately to inject me with drugs, but I withdrew my veins to depths they couldn’t reach. Then they deployed their secret weapon, beautiful female agents disguised as nurses. They caressed my stomach, smoothed my arms and peeked at me from behind their masks. I eventually surrendered my veins, but the truth serum failed, I fed them only rumours, innuendo and poor jokes.
Monday, November 8th
Day 9 — Failed rescue missions and torturous football
Agent Sharky’s dispatch: Two rescue teams stormed the room, the Dutch team (Agents Frouk and Reinder) and the British SAS team (Agents Bernard and Sheila). Both were beaten back by cute nurses, also known as heavily armed guards.
I listened to the Arsenal match commentary. Even though Arsenal won, the performance was torturous. Dinner tasted like poison, punishment for the escape attempts. My throat felt like it had been sliced by 100 rusty razors. Did I tell the captors? Absolutely, I needed painkillers.
Tuesday, November 9th
Day 10 — Torture by couscous and mind altering drugs
Agent Sharky’s dispatch: A quiet stillness hung over the barracks this morning, the guards were planning something. My cold tostada scraped my raw throat. Lunch was salad, mixed vegetables and gravy coloured couscous, one of the cruellest tortures yet.
The afternoon was quiet except for the armed nurses patrolling the compound, occasionally plunging needles into me with more mind altering drugs.
Wednesday, November 10th
Day 11 — Diplomatic negotiations and news of release
Agent Sharky’s dispatch: Diplomatic pressure seems to have worked. After my wound was cleaned and pain relief given, I was told I’d be released on Thursday morning. I’ll have a short rest at home before being taken to a field hospital in San Javier for wound checks and a debrief. I’ll make sure I’m wearing a clean pair of briefs, wouldn’t want a diplomatic incident.
Thursday, November 11th
Day 12 — Release, debrief, and return home
Agent Sharky’s dispatch: A slow day as the torturers prepared me for release. The food was designed to give me strength, not challenge Agent Ramsay to a cook off, though Ramsay, being a double 0 drill instructor, would have barked at them anyway.
I was released into Agent Fisher’s safe hands. Agent Burns then escorted me to my debrief in San Javier, unexpected, but her linguistic skills ensured I received the correct treatment.
The rubber tube was removed from my stomach, the wound cleaned and a gauze inserted. I must now visit my local surgery daily for cleaning and dressing changes.
After collecting bundles of medication, Agent Burns dropped me home, where I’ll remain for rest and recuperation.
Agent Sharky has now returned to undercover duties. From next week, I’ll resume writing these blogs myself. Thank you, Agent Sharky, you kept me sane during my incarceration… I think.
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