Week 45 of 2021 started with me in a hospital bed, with a drip in my arms and feet and ended with me back at home in Los Alcázares.
Friday, November 5th.
I woke early and had my drips changed before having a cold tostada and coffee for breakfast. I saw the surgeon, and he was pleased with how I was recovering but said I have to stay in the hospital for a while whilst they continue with the treatment of the wound and infection.
Once again, Agent Fisher tried a daring raid to rescue Agent Sharky but was thwarted. He was able to drop off some clean clothes and a shaver, and he assured Agent Sharky that rescue attempts would continue.
Saturday, November 6th.
I woke early again this morning for the now regular exchange of antibiotics and painkilling drips.
Agent Sharky's report, day 7, of my incarceration behind enemy lines.
Last night I attempted a daring break out but got caught in razor wire around the perimeter of the grounds before being beaten to within an inch of my life by the guards.
They tell me they will pass off the injuries to my face as razor rash and the bruising on my arms as bruising from restraining me. I was hoping to be released in time for the football today. Norwich had asked me to play in goal whilst the Spurtz asked me to play anywhere as even with my injuries I would be better than their best. Instead, I will count the wood panels on my cell wall and count down the minutes between meals.
Sunday, November 7th.
At some time during the night, Agent Jo Jo has managed to sneak in a new logo for Agent Sharky to use in his daily reports.
The Agent Sharky logo depicts a shield of arms. The Shark represents agent Sharky whilst the two cannons show Agent Sharky´s love for all things Arsenal.
Day 8, Agent Sharky's morning report.
Yesterday was a difficult day as the people holding me tried desperately to inject me with drugs. I was able to withdraw my veins to depths they could not find for most of the day. Then yesterday evening the enemy produced their secret weapon. Beautiful female agents that set my veins to tingling whilst they caressed my stomach, smoothed my arms and peeked out at me from behind their masks.
I'm ashamed to say Agent Sharky could not resist these beautiful agents dressed as seductive nurses and I eventually gave up my veins for them to inject me with truth serum. Unluckily for them, I am able to resist the serum and I continue to drip-feed them with harmless rumours, innuendos and poor jokes.
Monday, November 8th.
Day 9, Agent Sharky's report.
Yesterday was a mixed day of attempted breakouts from confinement and the pain of punishment for said attempts.
Firstly the Dutch AIVD rescue team stormed the room I'm incarcerated in, shortly followed by a British team from the SAS. Both teams valiantly attempted to rescue me but alas the Dutch team of Agent Frouk and Agent Reinder, along with the SAS team of agent Bernard and Agent Sheila were all beaten back by cute nurses, I mean heavily armed guards, who had not yet finished with me.
After the failed attempts I was able to listen in to the Arsenal football match commentary. Even though Arsenal won, the performance at times was torturous. Add this to the evening meal having some sort of poison slipped into it to try and punish me for the failed escape attempts and it was an interesting evenings captivity.
My throat felt like it had been sliced open by 100 rusty razors but did I let my captors know this? Hell yes, I needed painkillers.
Tuesday, November 9th.
Day 10, Agent Sharky's report.
I think the guards are planning something severe and diabolical today after my previous escape attempts yesterday. A quiet stillness hangs over the barracks this morning.
After my usual cold Tostada this morning I am left to ponder what today will bring me. The Tostada scrapes the side of my raw throat as it slides down my throat today. I wonder if it really is antibiotics they have been treating me with or something to shred the lining of my throat to make swallowing harder.
For my main meal today I am fed salad to start, a bowl of mixed veg for my main and a bowl of gravy coloured couscous for pudding. I think this is one of the cruellest tortures I have had to endure so far.
This afternoon is again very quiet apart from the regular visits from the armed nurses that patrol the compound regularly, occasionally driving needles deep into me with more devious mind-altering drugs to try and make me crack.
Wednesday, November 10th.
Day 11, Sharky's report.
It would seem that diplomatic pressure has been brought to bear behind the scenes at a higher level. This morning after the dressing on my wound has been cleaned and medication for pain relief has been given, I am informed that I am to be released on Thursday morning.
I don't know if a mutual exchange of agents has been set up or if some sort of agreement has been made but I am to be released. I will have a short period of time to relax at home before being taken to a field hospital in San Javier to have my wounds checked and be debriefed.
I am not sure who will be doing the debrief but I will make sure they are a clean pair beforehand. I wouldn't want an unclean pair of briefs causing a shitty end and a new diplomatic incident.
Thursday, November 11th.
Day 12, Agent Sharky's report.
Day 12 was understandably a slow day for the torturers today as agents more adept at hiding my bruising from the cameras prepared me for my release. The food was more about giving me some strength than challenging Agent Ramsay to a cook-off. What you didn't realize Ramsay was a double 0. He is in fact a drill instructor, where do you think he perfected barking orders at people.
Bureaucracy was at its worst today. I was released into Agent Fisher's safe hands and he took me home. Agent Burns quickly arrived to escort me to my debrief. This was not as straightforward as expected though as the surgery in San Javier was not expecting me. I thank Agent Burns for her linguistic skills at the debrief, they definitely helped me get the correct treatment.
The rubber tube in my stomach is removed, the wound is cleaned but a gauze is placed back in the wound. I am instructed to go to my local surgery on a daily basis to get the wound cleaned and the gauze replaced.
After assisting me to get bundles of drugs to keep me going, Agent Burns dropped me at home where I will be based for a while getting the rest and recuperation needed.
Agent Sharky has now returned to his undercover duties and from next week I will continue to write these blogs myself, thank you for your company Agent Sharky, you kept me sane during my incarceration, at least I think you did.